I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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