the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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