: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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