hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I could make wine with my vomit
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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