I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
