this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.