I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's allergic to latex.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night