i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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