So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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