my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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