I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
