You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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