Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
