I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sex in a hospital.. check
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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