i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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