i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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