Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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  (609): i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th. http://tfl.nu/t2dt
  Replies (18) Good night (2473) Bad night (909)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

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  (978): your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop. http://tfl.nu/x1i9
  Replies (12) Good night (5345) Bad night (966)
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  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

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  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (14135) Bad night (1173)
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  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5301) Bad night (1134)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

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  (407): I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test. http://tfl.nu/drd9
  Replies (17) Good night (5702) Bad night (1243)
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  (949): View more from California

  is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??

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  (949): is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute?? http://tfl.nu/snv5
  Replies (11) Good night (8055) Bad night (1058)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

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  (845): you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage http://tfl.nu/ot1n
  Replies (4) Good night (4189) Bad night (844)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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  (608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2
  Replies (6) Good night (3211) Bad night (876)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral

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  (804): i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral http://tfl.nu/voa8
  Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (2305)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

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  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (3966) Bad night (1349)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up

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  (918): thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up http://tfl.nu/ajex
  Replies (0) Good night (1875) Bad night (739)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life

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  (330): I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life http://tfl.nu/2qsb
  Replies (2) Good night (939) Bad night (424)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed

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  (204): But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed http://tfl.nu/dvif
  Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (190)
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  (626): View more from California

  My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,

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  (626): My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing, http://tfl.nu/i8yq
  Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (239)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!

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  (970): It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood! http://tfl.nu/nce0
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (203)

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