i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
