Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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