Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going