So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
