a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.