There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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