I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
