hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
