I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you.
Bad choice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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