there was a trapeze. enough said
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
