I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
