She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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