cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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