It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
