she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
