Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
