So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My feet surprised me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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