Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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