Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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