My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
