He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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