you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
