i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize