My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
