I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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