just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
