whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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