If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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