they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
