Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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