I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
