Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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