After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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