Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
