Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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