conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
