she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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