i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
