i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
