living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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