Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
