party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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