She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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