he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
