it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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