My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
