Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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