Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
